


Supported

by Kassidy_Knight



Category: Vampire Knight
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bloodlust, Blow Jobs, Boys Love - Freeform, BoyxBoy, Control, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Self-Harm, Sex, Spoilers, Triggers, Vampires, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:32:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2080458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kassidy_Knight/pseuds/Kassidy_Knight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sort of AU, sort of not. Cross finds out that Zero has been self-harming so he takes his little family on a vacation of sorts to help clear Zero' s head. Despite thinking he is doing good, things take a turn for the worst with Zero's mental health. How is he supposed to keep calm when his blood lust is fluctuating, everything around him is changing and the vampires that he's supposed to be have a break from keep turning up. Warnings: self-harm and triggers! Sensitive content!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Begining

There is something satisfying about leaving Cross Academy. It doesn't really matter where I'm going as long as I'm moving away from that place and those beasts. I'm not moving, and I know I will have to go back, but I think that this retreat is going to be what I need to get me back on the straight and narrow. 

Not that you particularly care, but recently I've been a sort of a rut. I've hit a low that I have never hit before but I have to keep pushing my body forward. There is no stopping now. It's the only option I have, what with Cross, Yukki and now Sensei watching every move I make, I hardly have time to think.

It's not fun. 

It's happening with increasing regularity. The blood lust I mean, the crippling pain that courses through my body rendering me practically catatonic. Except for when I smell it, that sweet elixir that draws me to it. That slices through the fog that surrounds my brain and numbs the rational part of my mind that tells me to stop. The slow dripping it as it wells up from the wound in the skin. I can feel my throat burning just by thinking about it. 

An unquenchable thirst.

Agreements have been made, for Yukki's sake, that I feed from her beloved Kaname to stop myself from falling too low. I hate myself for it every time. To know that I am in his debt every time it gets to that specific point. Something I hate to the same level, if not more, is the side effects that come from drinking his blood. As the rich liquid glides down my throat, I can feel what he feels. He always pretends that it isn't me, not that I mind, but that it's Yukki, lovingly partaking from his neck. The lust he feels, I feel. As if I didn't have my own 'problem' to take care of, I also have his love and lust crashing into my system. Nothing is more euphoric than feeding between vampires, usually an act of love and trust, it's hard to get your body to stop reacting as much. We always have that awkward parting, both us forgetting who we're with during the act that when reality hits, it's hard to look your rival in the face when you're both rock hard and in dire need for release. 

I always feeling like I'm drowning and I can't seem to catch my breath. So I started self-harming. It's stupid, I know. An I know I'm risking my life and the lives of others but that burns helps in more way than one. At first it was an accident, a simple cut with a razor that left me craving the touch of the cool metal, even if it does set off my blood lust.

It hasn't happened very often, but it still does. Despite what the petty people at school say; it's not a cry for attention. If I wanted attention (which I definitely don't) I'd run stark bollock naked through the school! I'm quite happy blending in with the surroundings. You see, I consider myself a people watcher. No, or in a creepy stalker kind of way, who has time for that shit? I mean, I don't need to talk and make myself heard to understand. I do it for the control I feel. I need control, it makes me feel better, safer, and when I can't control something that is having a major effect on me, I can't stand it. I begin to feel like I'm drowning, like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and people just turn away. Not there problem, not wasting their time. 

That's the real reason that I'm going away with the headmaster, Yukki and Sensei; because Cross found one of my blades. He thinks I don't know but I do, when you like things a certain way all the time, you notice when not-so-sneaky guardians have been in your dorm room, moving things about. I know he's going to approach me about it and ask me to stop, and I'll tell him that I'll try. It's a lie. I won't stop. I can't stop. We're here already. It's so different from what we're used to, I can already feel myself losing a sense of control. I have to stay calm, Yukki is looking at me with glee in her eyes, pointing at stuff outside of the glass with childish amusement. 

I know I'm not going to enjoy this, not one bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Showers, Troubles and Stupid Illusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry to everyone has ever looked, read, kudos'ed or bookmarked this because it has now been over a year since I wrote the first chapter. So much has happened and I haven't even thought about things properly, I'll try and not leave it this long next time.   
> Kass/Beau x

I’ve just fed. The first time since I have been here. It’s a harsh shock to reality, a fact that no matter how far we go, I go, it will always be a part of me. I’m laid on the bed with an unbelievably hard cock, throbbing in my jeans. I’ve slung an arm over my face to try and hide my mortification even though I know that there is no-one in the room. He left nearly 15 minutes ago but that doesn’t stop me from wallowing in embarrassment for the rest of the night. The sky had been darkening when he came through, bringing other devils like him. I don’t know how many there are but I don’t care either since I don’t plan on moving until at least midday tomorrow. 

I’m beginning to ache more; in my chest and my dick. 

I hate that it won’t go away. Well, that’s a lie, there is one way that I can get rid of it but I’m not to keen on that... Not with so many people in the house. Moving my arm above my head, my mind begins to wonder. Wonder to the way that things could have been: just normal people, sitting down stairs having a drink, the loner of the household upstairs, alone, visions of beautiful women in his head to make his dick so hard it could crack concrete. 

But no, nothing an be that simple can it. 

There are vampires downstairs talking about shit all and drink fake blood, the vampire hunter who is actually a vampire himself, nothing in his head but self-loathing that one of the beasts - no the king of the beasts - made him so hard that’s hating to squirm a little to gain a little relief. I can’t help but fixate on the fact that everything could be different. 

Pushing myself up so that I am in a sitting position, I look down at the bulge in my jeans and realise that I have to do something about it. Something that I know is going to set off a chain of events that I have been brought here to forget about, to suppress. Don’t they realise that they can’t make this go away. 

I hate it! I hate me...

Sliding of my bed onto the floor, I reach under the bed to find the case of my Bloody Rose. It was the only thing that I could smuggle my blades in. They checked me and my luggage all over, but they knew I would never forgive them, look at them or do anything for them ever again if they ever touched my gun. You see, the gun case is small and rectangular, like the type of boxes that you carry instruments like clarinets in. Except, when I lift Bloody Rose and her bullets out of it, the faux-velvet lining peels back slightly in the corner. Not enough to be noticeable, if anyone else was to look at it, they would image that the case is old and needs replacing. To me, it is a gift, a place that I can hide small, delicate things without worrying that they will be found. If you pull gently at the fabric, then lining and oasis in the box lifts up. There isn’t a lot of room for other things; a couple of razor blades are nicely pressed into the side. Next to them, a couple of small sowing needles and a lighter. 

Carefully pulling them out of the lining, I lay them on to floor next to me while I put the box back together. There is a bathroom opposite the room that I am staying in and, although nothing has been said out loud, it is mine. Nobody uses it but me. I think Cross and Sensei decided and just made Yukki agree without actually considering anything. 

I know that I can’t do anything until him and his hoard of buffoons are out of the house but at least I can sort myself out. It has wilted a little since thinking about my self loathing but brining my attention back to my dick seems to have its attention again. 

Checking that there is nobody in the hall way or around the other doorways in the long corridor, I quickly make a dash into the room that is nearly opposite. Turning on the shower to warm up, I lie the implements out in the order that I plan to use them. As morbid as it is, I do enjoy thinking about the punishment that I give myself before it happens. That way, I know how many cuts, jabs, or burns that I should have to make myself a better person. 

Today’s plan of action is going to be razor blade, top right thigh. I don’t think I dare do anything else at the minute with them watching my like a hawk. Plus I need to be able to hide things, I can’t do my arms seen as this is a ‘summer’ visit and it would look weird wearing a jacket all of the time. No. I can’t draw too much attention to myself. Pushing the other two things behind the stand to the sink, I move into the shower, blade moved ready onto the shelf that is in there. 

The water is hot, too hot. It is burning my skin but it feels good. I can’t help it, but it is an easy excuse - “oh, I had a shower, but it was too hot, so I just laid on my bed to cool down and ended up falling asleep”. Cover story in place, I look down at my neglected member, hatred in my heart and let the boiling water and my imagination take over. 

I’m not really picky when it comes to fantasies. Some my say that I am unimaginative, but really, I just want something that gets the job done. There is a person in front of me, it’s hard to tell details like appearance and gender because they don’t matter. It’s what they do. Especially when they are stroking down my place chest, sinking to their knees and taking me in their mouth. It doesn’t matter the fact that I don’t know what they look like as they slide their hands to hips, pulling me in more. Or that those hands are slowly moving backwards to grab my ass, pulling my cheeks apart while encouraging me to thrust faster into their face. It doesn’t matter that I can feel my own hand travelling back there to play with something that other guys in my class would be mortified at doing while my fist is still clenched around my member. Faster and faster my hands are moving, pleasure wracking my body. 

That’s when I hear something behind me. My eyes snap open and the bottom of my stomach drops because if they come in,, if they are here, everything become so much more difficult.


	3. Caught in the Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zero gets caught doing things he shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I literally have no excuse as to why I have not been writing this. I've seen all of your messages and it's made me think, why should I give up on something that I love doing just because I don't think I can do it anymore. 
> 
> So this is it, I'm so sorry its about three years too late. Love you all, that you for commenting.

Soft knocking comes from the door. It can barely hear it over the sound of the shower, but alas, it’s still there. “W-what do you want?” The crack in Zero’s voice is almost as embarrassing as the throbbing cock in his hand. The doorknob turns, somebody is trying to come in and he could feel the panic start to rise in his chest. It felt like something heavy pushing down on his chest, breath coming in short, sharp gasps. ‘Did I lock the door? I definitely did… right? Shit! What if the see me? I’m naked, hard. And with my blades out as well, for Christ’s Sake’ 

The doorknob turned but nothing happened. 

A slow, shaky breath left Zero’s mouth, trying to calm his nerves. 

“I was told to come and check on you,” a quiet voice sounded. It sounded familiar, yes, but it didn’t belong in the villa that they were now in, “the Headmaster is asking after you.” ‘Fucking vampires! Why? Why are they here? It wasn’t fair! I’m already being sent into the Night Class with them, this was meant to be my time!’ 

His eternal monologue stops at that thought, his time? He wasn’t special enough to have time with people. Nor should he care about them trying to ‘fix’ him; he wasn’t worth fixing. It wasn’t worth the time or the effort, not if they couldn’t do anything for him. He’s deal with this later. 

“Go away,” he yells back, “I don’t need you coming and checking up on me, vampire!” Spitting the last word in hopes that they will leave, drop the matter and never mention it again. Silence continues from the other side of the door for a few moments before he looks down at his softening dick. No longer worth it, he drops his hands to sides and presses his forehead against the cold tiles of the shower. He glances towards the blade that he brought in with him. Sighing, he carefully picks it up, turns off the shower and places is along with the others he had previously lined up. 

Grumbling to himself, he wrapped a towel around his waist and unlocking the door. Menacing glare in place, he nearly swung the door off its hinges to put a face to the voice that had interrupted his time; expect there was no one there. A heavy defeated sigh left him as he moved down the corridor towards the room that he would be calling his for the next few days. 

Slamming the door shut behind him, he dropped the towel and reached into his bag for clean clothes. It was only when he was bent in half that he noticed something in the corner of his eye. ‘Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!’ His inner voice was screaming at him. Nausea overtook him when he realised, it wasn’t something, but someone. 

“Well, please don’t stop on my account,” a quiet but bored voice spoke from the shadows, “it’s rather a nice view.” 

Turning quickly, he pulled whatever was in his hands to cover his modesty. “What the fuck do you want?” Zero yelled, blush crawling up his chest and onto his pale cheeks. If only he was prepared, he would have shot this arsehole between the eyes before he even knew what hit him. “G-get out of here! Creep!” The crack in his voice betraying his embarrassment, Zero could see the walls he’d built around himself slowly crumbling down. 

Within a blink of his eye he was alone in the room. Door closed. Window open. Breeze rustling the light curtains that hung behind him. That was when his world crashed. He didn’t care about the vampires, he didn’t care about Toga, the Headmaster or Yukki. The rest of the world bled into the darkness and he forgot who he was. 

 -----

When Zero awoke, his vision was blurry and his head pounded behind his eyes. The last thing he remember was being in his room… the person, no vampire, had left… and everything felt heavy. Lifting his head off his chest was a greater task then originally though. All he could see was black dots on white bathroom tiles. That was until he let his head drop back down to see scarlet staining the floor and his legs. It was only at this moment that the stinging registered. Not only that but a loud pounding on the bathroom door. Locked, of course. 

“Zero? Zero! Can you hear me?” 

Yukki’s voice seemed urgent, stressed even, but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. As far as he was concerned, she had no right to be here, he was only taking the punishments that he himself had caused. The only way to get better, was to learn by your mistakes. The best reinforcement, is negative reinforcement. He had to hurt, otherwise he would make the same mistakes again and again. 

More thudding was coming from the door, louder this time. More urgent than the last. 

“Zero, we will break this door down if we have to!” 

We? Who the hell was we? 

That’s when the door opened with a large bang and two people rushed into the room. One expected, the other a surprise, but both wholly unwelcome. Yuuki knelt by Zero’s side, staring at his legs, at what he’d done to himself, in horror. The other person, no vampire, just stared at Zero, with bright green eyes. Making eye contact with those sad green eyes, Zero couldn’t but feel angry. Angry at them, angry at himself, and especially angry that he had been caught.


End file.
